Pollen & Salt, my new blog!

Hey guys! Today, I made my new blog public. If you miss me, check it out here!

So long, Seabird.

Betcha wondered where I ran off to, didn't you? No, I haven't kicked the bucket or ran off to join the circus, I've just been enjoying a fabulous break from the world of personal blogging. When I posted my last entry, it wasn't really my intention to take a break. I just flat out didn't have the time to squeeze blogging into my life. Once it had been about a month since my last post, I realized I had not been enjoying blogging like I did when I first started. At that point I knew I wanted to truly assess what blogging meant to me.

After a lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that blogging in my current state just didn't do it for me anymore. When I realized I had let my domain expire, I felt like my subconscious was giving me a push in the direction I was already heading. For the last couple months this post has been unorganized mush, flowing out of my brain, but I decided it's time to stop, organize, and post. Keep things a little more simple, even though I could go on forever. Now, my explanation might be offensive to some, but that is not my intention. I've been at war with myself on whether to even post it, but I felt I should. I figured if I'm going to go out, I should explain why. Hold nothing back. I feel like there are a lot of bloggers out there that struggle with the same thoughts as I have and perhaps my input will do those bloggers well. Existential blog crises (funny, right) have actually kind of been a pretty common theme amongst the blogs I read lately. It's hard to leave a blog behind, especially one with a decent-sized following. Honestly, maybe some are scared to do it. Blogging can be a big part of life and a big part of a person's identity. A blog is like a child. You nurture it and, in many ways, it nurtures you. Maybe leaving it behind could make a person feel isolated.

If you think blogging is the best thing since sliced bread, I advise you to stop here. Suffice it to say that blogging at Seabird is just no longer for me. If you're trying to find your way in the "blogging world," if you find yourself having blogger identity crises like myself, read on. Maybe it'll help you find your way. (This is the part where my thoughts exploded, going to keep it that way, so excuse the lack of formality.)

Let me just start by saying, blogging really is great in many ways- for those who have an important story to tell, information to share, a business to promote, need the networking, etc. Then, of course, blogging is also a great hobby and personal space. I've been to both extremes: casually blogging and emulsifying myself in it- having blogging/designing be my job and a large part of my life. When I first started blogging, I really loved it. It was a way for me to express myself. I met new people and had a small, intimate audience. It was easy for me to maintain a relationship, even if shallow, with all of my readers. Before I knew it, my blog was growing, my "blog friend's" blogs were growing, and I ended up jumping into the rat race. Naturally, the blogs around me, mine included, became more and more impersonal. That has become my number one beef: “personal blogs” that aren't very personal. I think, most of the time, if you were to ask a person why they started their blog, they'd something along the lines of "I wanted to share my life with my family, friends, etc." "I wanted to keep a journal to look back on,” even the biggest of blogs. While I did not see it at the time, hundreds of readers defeated this purpose. How can we truly call a blog with hundreds of readers a personal blog? Divulging information about our lives to the masses is anything but personal. Then we turn to keeping things at the tip of the iceberg, posting few words and lots of insignificant pictures that are sometimes not even our own.

Blogs can get unusually competitive. I don't want to put myself in a position where I ever feel like I need to compare myself to another person. I don't ever want to put myself in a position where others feel the need to compare themselves to me. We even subject our kids to it, no matter how innocent our intentions are. We say "oh! look at what he's/she's doing!" "He/she weighs this much and is this long!"

Then there's the matter of safety. Blogging often gives us no privacy. A more serious matter when children are in the picture. Any human being has the opportunity to know your name, your family member's names, the city you live in, the places your frequent, and any other intimate details you share. It can be easy for a person to deduct exactly where you're going to be at a certain time. Sometimes we come right out and tell them! Regardless of the fact that this could end negatively, we still do it. For you psych nerds, this reminds me of the personal fable/illusion of unique invulnerability- “that could never happen to me!”

Bloggers begin to let their blogs drive their lives. I know this happened to me. We'll spend way too much time each week writing about what we've been doing instead of doing something new. We get caught up in having to blog every day, x times a week, at x time, etc. We go out of our way to make videos, tutorials, etc. We scout places to blog about instead of stumbling upon them while already on an adventure that we've gone on simply out of curiosity and desire to be out in the world. We always have our cameras in tow, taking pictures of every object, every person, every moment. So much so that maybe while trying to capture a memory, we don't really have genuine recollection of the moment to start with. We spend money to have pretty layouts and to gain followers by sponsoring others blogs. We gain money, clothing, jewelry, and other products, often just more "things" we don't need, by taking sponsors. We seek out businesses that will give us things in exchange for a blog entry. We market ourselves and the lives we lead, genuine or not so genuine. We don't blog for ourselves anymore and blogging gets stressful. Sometimes so stressful that we yearn for a break. But should we really need a break from a hobby?

Brian brought up something that really turned me off to blogging. He said that blogging is the new myspace. We use aliases, keep counts on our "friends," fill our pages with code to draw people to us, take dozens of pictures and only use the most flattering of ourself and other objects, and most importantly, the world knows only what we want them to know. There's a reason that myspace got abandoned.

The thing about blogging that I can't leave behind is being able to look back at special moments in time. Brian and I will be starting a truly personal blog. I'll invite friends, family, and the closer blog friends I've made over the past couple years to read, but I'll be blogging for me and for our family.

Maybe my feelings will change someday and I'll let you know where you can find my new blog, but right now, you can check out my other public places up in the top right corner (tumblr, pinterest... I'm no longer using twitter) and find my personal page on facebook if we became closer “blog friends.” As for Seabird, I bid you adieu, au revoir, auf wiedersehen.

Lots of love,
<3L

New domain.

Silly me! I let my domain expire in the midst of the happy chaos that is my life right now. A domain leasing company purchased it immediately! The blog isn't disappearing. Instead, you will be able find me at THEseabirdblog.com, rather than seabirdblog.com. I will be back soon with a real post, but for now you can check me out on tumblr and pinterest while I enjoy a break from this blog. (Everything is a-okay, if you had any worries!)

<3L

"No matter how big the sea may be, sometimes two ships meet."

A year ago today...




Last night at midnight, we slow danced to our wedding song in a quiet living room as our kids slept away. I love this man so much and I can't begin to put it into words. I'm so happy that I have the love they sing about in songs or show in movies. That playful, yet powerful, emotional love. I know that sounds cheesy, but I don't care. If you want me to get really nerdy on you and use the triangular theory of love, we have that whole, consummate love. ;) This year has been a doozy, heck, our lives have been doozies, but we've got each other through. I wouldn't have it any other way. We've changed a lot together. We grew up together. I am so happy with who we've become together. Here's to many more years of happiness!



*Our wedding post*
*Our wedding site*
*Our story*

Peachy keen.

My little peach is two months old and I cannot believe it! Every time I pick her up after a nice long rest, I swear she's grown another inch. She now weighs 10 lbs, 8 oz. (Up 2 lbs, 8 oz from birth- 50th percentile) and is 23 & 3/4 inches long (up 3 & 3/3 inches- 75-90th percentile.) She is long and skinny and puts all her nutrition into length rather than width, just like her big brother. I tried to find his two month stats, but they must be hiding somewhere! She is super strong like brother too. According to her pediatrician, she has the head lift of a four month old and she wouldn't be surprised if she's trying to crawl by four months!



Eisley is such a happy, easy baby. We are extremely grateful. She's full of giant smiles and happy squeels. She only cries briefly when she's ready to sleep, hungry, or getting washed in the bath. She's a great sleeper and has been sleeping through the night consistently since she was about three weeks old (doc approved.) So much different that Emerson... he didn't sleep through the night until one! I blame the formula ;) Eisley is still getting breast milk exclusively. Fortunately I have a large supply. I only have to pump four times a day to get double her need! I don't know if I could do it if I had to pump every two hours like in the beginning! Exclusively pumping truly is a pain, but I think it's worth it and I do like that I know exactly how much she is eating.



She loves listening to her daddy play guitar for her, letting me make her dance, and playing in the water. She absolutely adores her big brother and gives him more smiles and coos than anyone else! We've already get peeks into our future when Emerson does something crazy (90% of his doings) and she looks at him in a bit of shock and half giggles. Emerson is entirely sweet with her and I have no complaints at all. He hasn't had any troubles with jealousy and the only thing we have to work with him on is being a little more calm around her. He is very very full of energy. Can't wait to get him into some sports- skateboard lessons come his third birthday!



I am so back and forth when it comes to trying decide if she looks more like me or Brian. I definitely see myself in her, but I also think she looks like Brian's sisters! We both have very strong genes, our siblings look a lot like us, so I think it'll always be hard to decide. She's beautiful though and looks a lot like her brother but with softer, more feminine features, just as I thought it'd be. Her eyes haven't quite changed into their final state, but I'm excited to see what she'll end up with. Some days they look blue, others green, and on others I think she'll have brown eyes like Brian & Emerson. She, like Brian & Em, has the prettiest, long lashes. Girl will never need mascara!


Isn't her swimsuit adorable?! Can I have it in my size?


A sweet moment at her two month appointment. They adore each other.


Mr. Well-behaved. He got a sticker for being awesome.

Life, as usual, is just swimming along. I'm so happy I still have two months+ of summer and get to spend even more time with my babies. Our wedding anniversary is in 11 days! We're celebrating it in a very fitting way and I can't wait to share!

<3L

Surfmobile.

Well, instead of being raptured (wink wink,) last Saturday came with a different surprise for our little family... a new car! Background: Since I was fourteen, Scion xb's have caught my eye. In white specifically. I knew it was a long shot to say that it would be my first car and I ended up with a two-door focus hatchback in electric blue. I've driven that car since. Yes, a two-door hatch with two babies! Wasn't exactly easy, but it's been very good to me all these years. My sister turned sixteen last August and has been "needing" something to get around in, so rather than buying her a beater that she'd have a lot of problems with, we thought it'd be best for all if we passed my car down and we got something bigger and more functional for our family. Flash-forward again to last Saturday! I met my mom at my optometrist's office to look at glasses and she asked if I wanted to tag along to the dealership that we've been going to for years and years. I didn't think it was really even a possibility that we'd be getting a car right then and there. We had to make sure we found the right car and the right price. We ended up taking an xb that was a little out of our price range for a test drive, a white one, and we wanted to run the numbers and see if we could make anything work. We didn't want to be paying much more a month, if any at all. At that point I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I already loved the car. I didn't think it would work out and my mom honestly didn't either. They ended up being to work it to a payment slightly higher than ours and I was pretty torn. We could work a little more into our budget, but we've been trying to keep all of our payments low. Meanwhile, Brian was sitting at home with the kids, unaware of the situation. Since he handles most our finances, I decided he needed to make the decision and called him and said "Put your pants on, we might be getting a car today!" (He's notorious for sitting at home in his boxers hahaha.) I stayed home with the kids and he headed back to the dealership... and WE GOT THE CAR! My dream car!



If it's possible to have a car soulmate, this is mine. I'm in love! Brian loves it too and I'm pretty sure the kids are enjoying it as much as they can. It's the perfect size for our family of four, gets pretty good gas mileage, handles great, and looks beautiful. Not to mention it's flat-topped, station wagon appearance will make it a great tool for lugging around surfboards once we get to that part of our lives... hence my name for it. It'll see many years of Dick Dale and sandy seats. I even have dreams of painting it like an old school woody with a classic car blue top. Yum ;) Can you tell I'm a happy lady?



Dick Dale :: Let's Go Trippin'




(You guys, look how big my son is! He's a kid now!)





<3L

The Baby Factory.

Kids: to have more or to not. That is the question. This isn't exactly a highly important topic at this point in time for Brian and I. I also recognize that this may ultimately not be my decision, but mother nature's. Babies happen. Babies don't happen. I'm okay with knowing that it will be a matter of whatever happens is meant to happen. We won't seriously talk or think about trying to have another baby for a good amount of time, but it is always in the back of my mind, especially while trying to cling to every little newborn stage goodness that I can. I figure my thoughts now should weigh in on my thoughts in the future. Plus I would love to hear you all of your input on what its like to have different types of families! I'm sure there are a lot more pros and cons, but this is what Brian and I have chatted about:

Our pros of having more kids:

More love to go around. The kids will have more siblings. They'll have more people to play with. They'll get to experience brotherly & sisterly love. I've always loved stories of a very close handful of siblings and very close, large families. I would love to see them grow up and have enough of them to play music together, play sports together, etc.

When I picture a family in my head, I'm not a "two kids and a dog" type of person. I guess I'm more of a "whole heck of a lot of kids, very loving, hippie family" type. At the same time, that's not to say that I don't love being a family of four. I do love it and could picture it as my future just the same. As complete as my family feels now, I'm just not a person that feels that a complete family is defined by numbers or genders. It has always felt complete and always will.

Getting to experience pregnancy and childbirth again. I'll be honest, and it might sound crazy, but I feel beautiful when I'm pregnant and I love watching my belly grow. My labor and delivery experience with Eisley was also amazing and I would love to have another experience like it. (That's saying it would be. Maybe that's a long shot!)

Getting to name more babies. Probably a really silly motivator for more children, but we have three solid names for possible future children that I've grown a little too attached too. I also hear names that I love on pretty much a daily basis and make a little note in my mind.

I love seeing my husband be a father.

I love being a mother and feel like it's what I'm meant to do.

A smaller budget will allow us to live simpler. And perhaps close quarters = close family? You tell me.

I think I'm a good mom and I think my kids are pretty awesome. I'd be totally fine with populating the world with my little superhuman, superbrain, supercreative, healthy, beautiful etc. etc. children. Don't take this one seriously.

Cons of having more:

Our kids will be further and further apart in age. The age thing is a big one for me & Brian. Probably the biggest factor to weigh in. We both have big gaps between ourselves and our youngest siblings. We love them entirely, but we are in a completely different world than them. Sometimes it's hard to just be a sibling without having parental feelings mixed in. As much as I'd love to have a bunch of kids back to back to back to avoid this, I don't know if I am physically or psychologically capable of doing so! Two under three is pretty difficult, I'm sure two under two and two under two with more children on top is even more difficult!

My body will have to experience the harder parts of pregnancy & postpartum again.

I'll be an older mother. Well I guess compared to others I'd be a pretty average aged mom, but I like my capabilities as a mother at 20. I'm hoping/thinking five or ten years won't make a big difference, but I can't imagine being any less energetic and enthusiastic with my kids. I also love parent-child relationship that being a young mother creates.

More space, more things, more groceries. A smaller budget might make us more creative with spending, but is a simple life easy with a bundle of kids?

Pros of not having more:

Our kids will be adults before I'm 40. I'd basically get to expierence a second life that I can devote to owning a business, creating a non-profit group, traveling, furthering my education, fostering &/or adopting teenagers that may otherwise never have a family to call their own, being a very involved, very energetic Grammy, and basically anything else I can dream up before the time comes that I have an empty nest. We'll get lots and lots of time as a couple which can partially make up for the fact that we had very little time as "just us" and an even smaller amount of time living on our own as "just us" (read: ONE month) before having our first baby.

Family vacations and outings will get easier and easier and better and better. Now that we've experienced traveling with a newborn, traveling with a toddler, and traveling with both at once, we've learned that it's not easy. Trips turn into half-trips because half of the experience will be taking care of everyday little kiddos things. At this point in time, we've discovered that trips/outings with young children benefit from involving a very awesome grandparent, aunt/uncle, friend, etc. It makes them a little more enjoyable for all. Don't get me wrong, I love the stages the kids are in now and trips with littles are awesome, but when I start to picture them being older, more independent, more aware, and more appreciative of their surroundings while on vacation, it sounds heavenly. If we had another baby we would probably start seriously thinking about it when Eisley is nearing two. That would mean that (probably) by three, no later than four, the point when she's getting to the stage of having a lot of fun on vacation, things would get weighed back down by newborn duties.

I have my boy and I have my girl. I'll get to experience mothering both sexes and their quirks. When I was pregnant with Emerson, the thought of having another boy scared me a little bit. Though I knew it was silly, the thought of having another little boy in my life after already having such an amazing son that I loved so much was really hard on me. No more kids = no more of those feelings, silly or not.

They Say that with less kids, the kids get more parent time which caters a better relationship.

Cons of not having more:

The idea of not getting to have more little people in my life really my breaks my heart at this point in time.

A lot of the "good things" about not having more babies feel kind of superficial and even a little selfish. No more babies so I can have more fun. I can have more time. My body doesn't experience pregnancy again. I don't think I'm going to let those sort of "perks" make or break a decision.

This post was really random, but I think that's what this blog will be turning into. Posts with a little more substance, a little less often. Don't worry, I'll still try to post lots of pictures, daily's & adventures too.

How many children do you hope for? What influenced your decision?
<3L